Me myself and I
Putting yourself first is, of course important, but most of the time quite difficult.. At least for me. I'd say Ive become quite a strong person over the years by being alone most of the time. Okay not completely alone! I've always had my family, supporting and helping me, but I never had really that many friends and was more of a girl you went to when you didn't had anyone else to go to, but I learned to be fine with that. I learned to become a “lonely Wolf” (is that even a saying?). And I'm okay with that now, I haven't always been and of course I wanted some friendzies sometimes but it's a thing you get used to, a thing that gets easier.
But another thing that'll just never get easier is dealing with, and in the end cutting off poisonous relationships. The fear of ending all alone again, feeling lost and never getting any chance again is there. Its ridiculous, i know that, but its there. You should always remember that you mustn't feel bad for things you didn't do wrong, that's what I always try to say to myself. That you shouldn't act as a boxing ball for anyone just because they feel angry! It might sound a bit sad, but id rather be alone until I found the right kinda friends instead of having some now who I'm all secretly angry at. I guess I have just pretty bad luck in terms of finding friends, or there IS something seriously wrong with me, what I doubt..
Its not easy for me to write this down here but I just recently cut off a very deep but also quite poisonous relationship. I recognised that this one is not that good for me as I ended up being angry at that person all the time for everything he'd done to me. And I'm actually very forgiving. I thought it would be horrible to cut it all off and be all alone (and again, with alone I mean I have my family and some social activities, yes, but no real friends friends) but when I did it, I felt as if something was liftet off me. I felt free again. I feel a bit mean to say that here, and some of you will maybe think that I'm totally mean and selfish and whatever, but If only one single person can relate to what I am writing here, if there's just one out there feeling less alone after they'd read this post, I'm happy I wrote it. I'm happy to put myself out there and to say, yeah I may be totally social awkward, but I'm not alone! And neither are you!
xx Aria
It means the world to me that you read my post! Thanks soooo much!!! If you enjoyed it you can follow me on instagram, bloglovin or twitter where I'll always post when theres something you dont want to miss out on!
But another thing that'll just never get easier is dealing with, and in the end cutting off poisonous relationships. The fear of ending all alone again, feeling lost and never getting any chance again is there. Its ridiculous, i know that, but its there. You should always remember that you mustn't feel bad for things you didn't do wrong, that's what I always try to say to myself. That you shouldn't act as a boxing ball for anyone just because they feel angry! It might sound a bit sad, but id rather be alone until I found the right kinda friends instead of having some now who I'm all secretly angry at. I guess I have just pretty bad luck in terms of finding friends, or there IS something seriously wrong with me, what I doubt..
Its not easy for me to write this down here but I just recently cut off a very deep but also quite poisonous relationship. I recognised that this one is not that good for me as I ended up being angry at that person all the time for everything he'd done to me. And I'm actually very forgiving. I thought it would be horrible to cut it all off and be all alone (and again, with alone I mean I have my family and some social activities, yes, but no real friends friends) but when I did it, I felt as if something was liftet off me. I felt free again. I feel a bit mean to say that here, and some of you will maybe think that I'm totally mean and selfish and whatever, but If only one single person can relate to what I am writing here, if there's just one out there feeling less alone after they'd read this post, I'm happy I wrote it. I'm happy to put myself out there and to say, yeah I may be totally social awkward, but I'm not alone! And neither are you!
xx Aria
It means the world to me that you read my post! Thanks soooo much!!! If you enjoyed it you can follow me on instagram, bloglovin or twitter where I'll always post when theres something you dont want to miss out on!
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